Thursday, October 27, 2005

I've been utterly blessed to have a grandmother that has both the means and the desire to do many good things for me in my life. I have done nothing to deserve any of this, but there it is. She loves me and does things for me that I wouldn't even contemplate on my own. The most recent example of this is when she called me out of the blue last Friday and wanted to buy my brother and me tickets to the World Series. I was stunned to say the least, but sure enough, I won an ebay auction for a ridiculous sum of money for Standing Room Only tickets (I wouldn't let her pay what box seats were going for), and Wednesday, October 26, 2005 found both Russ and I at the fourth game of the 2005 World Series watching the White Sox try and sweep the Astros.

It was an amazing experience. Russ and I had a ton of fun that more than made up for the Astros' loss. I got to watch my favorite player in baseball take the mound against the team that would prove to be the World Champions, and he was magnificient (that sounds a little gay, I know). For the first seven innings, it was a breathtaking pitchers' duel which had been expected from the beginning of the series, if not from the number 4 starters. Then, in the 7th, things came undone, and I have just a few thoughts on that:

Where to begin?

Fuck that, I know where to begin. How about that I will never fucking forgive Phil Garner for throwing World Series game 4 by being a no-talent hack who couldn't manage his way out of a paper bag. Put the fucking 'book' down Phil, and use your fucking eyes. The reason I will never forgive him is that Brandon Backe is my favorite player in all of baseball, and he was on his way to becoming a superstar last night before Phil fucking Garner took it from him for no good reason whatsoever. Sure, if there's one out and one of the first two guys is standing on the base paths I can see pulling Backe for a pinch hitter. Take that shot of getting the runner in and rely on your bullpen to finish the game. That makes sense. When you have two outs and no one on though, the statistical probability of pinch hitting for Backe and having that generate a run are miniscule. First of all, there's only about a 12% greater chance that whoever you send to the plate will get a base hit, and when you start adding in all the probabilities of what have to happen on top of that to actually get the rally going which will generate that one run, you find out that the odds of actually generating that run are miniscule.

If it's time to pull the pitcher anyway, then that would make sense too. Unfortunately for that fucking slack-jawed manager wannabe, it wasn't that fucking time. Backe was just UNCONSCIOUS* on the mound. The kid had no idea that he was the number four starter and should have caved to the hitters that had been so mercilous the previous three games. Instead, Backe was out there in the biggest game of his life and just on fire. For those of you who weren't there, there is no way you can grasp the confidence and 'stuff' that Backe had last night. He was so good, and he so knew it, that he would be off the field and headed to the dugout before the last play of the inning ended. He didn't even have to watch. Just because the book says you pull him when the pitcher's spot is due to hit in the 7th doesn't mean you do it every time you fucking tool. Had you used your eyes and seen what was evident right there on the field you would have known that Backe was down for 9-10 innings of donuts for the White Sox. Brandon Backe was on his way to becoming a superstar last night, and you took that from him Phil. For that I hate you and want you to die.

So assume you've already fucked up and pinch hit for him. Who do you put in? NOT JEFF FUCKING BAGWELL. I love Jeff Bagwell and everything he has meant to the Astros, but he is not the Jeff Bagwell of 5 years ago who stood a reasonable shot of tying the game with one swing. As great as he's been and as much as he wants it, he's a broken down first baseman who wants to do well so badly he can taste it. That person is going to go out and take huge swipes at the ball and most likely strike out. It was luck that he even made contact. Pinch hitting in the World Series is not some kind of reward for all the guys who couldn't be part of the season. Rewards come after you've won, not while the game is still up in the air.

This brings me to another point about the Astros in general. There was one person on that team who actually wanted to win the World Series; the rest were simply happy to be there. Kudos to the White Sox. They won the ALCS and said, "That's great, but there's still work to be done. There's a World Series still to play and we're going to fucking take it." and they did. The Astros, on the other hand, won the NLCS and said, "Holy shit?!?! We're in the World Series?!?!?!?" You want to know why they had all the clutch hitting and we failed nearly every single time? Because when a White Sox player stepped into the batter's box with runners on, he looked at the pitcher and though, "Let's get it on motherfucker, I'm here to ruin your day." while the Astros walked to the plate thinking, "omg.. please don't fuckup" which, of course, means they did. It wasn't their pitching. The White Sox had outstanding pitching of course, but so do we. And even outstanding pitching can't stop that many potential runs on its own. It has to have some help from the fuckups in the other dugout. Just total up the walks they handed out to the Astros during all those innings to see how great their pitching was over that stretch. Why did we lose the World Series? Because the White Sox wanted it, and we were happy to be there.

I don't blame the Astros for that though. I would probably be all starry eyed and drooling over standing on the field of a regular season game, so I have no clue as to the kind of emotions that go through you when you play in that first World Series. I can't even imagine. Given all that, we still played well because we're an extremely good ballclub. We just couldn't perform when it mattered.

Now on to the rest of my rants.

Morgan Ensberg should be stabbed in the spine and have his body dumped in a river. While the rest of the Astros couldn't perform because they were giddy over just being there, Ensberg was a fuckoff who looked like he'd rather be playing golf than 'working' in the World Series. Watching him half ass his way through the game made me want run out onto the field and stab him in the fucking eye with my spork. Seriously, the man had NO desire to be there. Watching him take infield in between innings told it all. Rather than bending over to get ground balls he would just point his glove at the ground near them and let them roll by. He wouldn't even turn around to see where they went! At the plate was where he really showed his true colors. According to his own admission, when he goes to the plate he just swings as hard as he can at every pitch. That's all fine and dandy when you're facing your average schmoe in the regular season who will never even sniff the World Series, but at the Big Dance the pitching is just too good to walk to the plate swinging like a little Mexican kid at a pinata and expect to get anything more than a strikeout. Which you did. A lot. Oh, and a big FUCK YOU to Phil Garner for leaving that jerkoff in the four hole all four games. You both need to get cancer and die in front of your kids.

Next, who fucking teaches base running to the Astros? They are the worst EVER! Watching those fuckers on the base paths was just painful. This is not something you usually see on the TV coverage, but when you're standing there you're free to look at whatever you want. The Astros were so mind-bogglingly bad on the bases that they might as well have been pegs on a board. When you get on base, your job is not to just stand there an wait to be moved around by the next person; ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR TEAM ISN'T FUCKING HITTING. It's your job to hop around, take big leads and make that pitcher fucking worry about you. He should be forced to spend a big part of his concentration worrying about you, the runner, because you know what? every bit of concentration he's expending on you is a little less he has to devote to the hitter. The less concentration he has to devote to the hitter, the more likely he'll make that critical mistake pitch that sends you to Game 5. And WHAT ON EARTH is Willy Taveras doing taking base running tips from Fat Elvis?!?!?! OMG, that motherfucker had home plate stolen TWICE last night. Not like, he MIGHT have made it either. I'm talking about in time to have crossed home early enough that the hitter can still swing at the pitch. It was TERRIBLE. In the 6th when we had the bases loaded they were playing the hitter to spray the ball to the right side, and Crede was playing, I shit you not, forty feet off of third. With Taveras on that base!! Taveras could have taken a lead almost halfway to home. All he had to do was start walking, and there was nothing the White Sox could have done about it. Even if Crede sees what's happening, he's too fucking far from third to do anything about it. At the worst, Taveras has to go blazing back into third ahead of the race between himself and Crede or Garcia. That's a win all by itself. Once again, if that pitcher is having to worry about you, he's NOT paying attention to the hitter. So you make him look at you, and on the next pitch Crede is standing there to hold you on. FUCKING FINE! Now there's a GIANT hole n the left side for a base hit to trickle through and score you a run. What does he do though? Crede is 40 feet off the bag, Taveras is 6. It wasn't just Taveras though. It was ALL of the Astros on base. Not one of them danced around and made the pitcher worry about him. How many pickoff throws did the White Sox make the whole evening? 1? 2? If that. They just didn't care about our runners, and with good reason. Oh, and here's another big FUCK YOU to Phil Garner. STEAL SOME FUCKING BASES. You had bases stolen all night long, not just home. The Astros on the base paths should have looked like they were in Spain with thousands of pounds of beef bearing down on them. Instead, they stood there while the person at home fucked up and didn't knock them in.

Finally, and most certainly least of all, Major League Baseball wanted the Chicago White Sox to win this World Series, and nothing was going to stand in the way of any help they could give. Too many calls both on and off the field went the White Sox way throughout the whole post season for it to be coincidence. Against both the Angels and the Astros there were just too many obvious errors in the umpiring for it to not be intentional. I fully realize that some calls did go for the Astros, but they had nothing compared to the quatity the White Sox had. I don't think anyone purposefully cheated to put the White Sox over the top, but I will definitely say there was a suspicious nudge bordering on shove from time to time. Not that I think that matters though, the White Sox were not going to be denied this time. I just think that perhaps it wouldn't have been a sweep.

And I'm spent.

* If you don't know baseball lingo, then fuckoff.

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