7/19: All your wedding guests were seated on the same side of the church.
7/20: Any of your living room furniture is inflatable.
7/21: You’ve ever appeared on TV with your face digitally blurred.
7/22: You think the ability to hold a job is overrated.
7/23 & 7/24: You buy stuff at your own yard sale.
7/25: You’ve ever worn a suit from Chess King to a funeral.
7/26: You answered “I guess so” during your wedding vows.
7/27: Nothing in your refrigerator was purchased at a store.
7/28: You’ve ever learned something about your momma from a restroom wall.
7/29: You showed pictures of your latest deer at the funeral home.
7/30 & 7/31: Your favorite seafood is hushpuppies.
8/1: You had to wear hip waders to get to your honeymoon love shack.
8/2: Your waist measurement exceeds your bust measurement.
8/3: The oil stain in your driveway is bigger than your car.
8/4: People are scared to touch your bathrobe.
8/5: Your dad taught you how to elude a pack of trailing bloodhounds.
8/6 & 8/7: You’re related to the stripper at your bachelor party.
8/8: The post office discontinues your service because the mailman keeps getting stuck in your driveway.
8/9: Your wife uses more bleach on her hair than she does on the laundry.
8/10: Your mother thinks you should have been a surgeon because of the ease and confidence you have with the deep-fat fryer.
8/11: Your car is permanently covered in paw prints.
8/12: You have a fence in your yard, but it’s not up.
8/13 & 8/14: You wear a giant foam finger at your kid’s graduation.
8/15: The only things not rusted in your yard are the pinwheels on either side of the driveway.
8/16: You dated your daddy’s current wife in high school.