Because I said I would finish, and I damn well intend on finishing:
YMBARI
8/17: You can ruin a pair of shoes in one wearing.
8/18: You've ever spent more than half a day in a fishing shop.
8/19: Your ex-wife is the president of your fan club.
8/20 & 8/21: There are four pairs of pants and two squirrels hanging from your clothesline.
8/22: Your mobile home has a loft.
8/23: Your high school class voted you "best mother".
8/24: You've ever FedExed beef jerky.
8/25: Your car has seat covers over the seat covers.
8/26: The last time you took your wife to the movies, she had to hide in the trunk.
8/27 & 8/28: You've never owned an iron.
8/29: You don't go anywhere without a siphon hose.
8/30: You've ever been on television not wearing a shirt.
8/31: You think "wireless communications" means yelling across your front yard.
9/1: You received diapers as a graduation present.
9/2: You get your mail sent to a P.O. box because you can't spell or pronounce your street name.
9/3 & 9/4: You attent a parent-teacher conference wearing flip-flops.
9/5: You use a bungee cord as a seat belt.
9/6: The first thing you say when you come out of a coma is "How's my dog?"
9/7: Your phone cord is a safety hazard.
9/8: Your third-grade class had a no-smoking section.
9/9: You've ever passed an afternoon by watching other people get their hair cut.
9/10 & 9/11: You're using a hubcap as an ashtray.
9/12: The police have had to talk to you about your bonfires.
9/13: You play strip poker at family reunions.
9/14: Your buddies ask if you want to see pictures of your wife naked and they're not kidding.
9/15: You've ever been hunting on a tractor.
9/16: The only thing that you've ever hit with a baseball bat is a mailbox.
9/17 & 9/18: Your wedding day began in a liquor store and ended in a tatoo parlor.
9/19: You think your dog is "house trained" because that is the only place he will go.
9/20: The farthest anyone traveled to your family reunion was two miles.
9/21: You inherited a toilet plunger.
9/22: Your college graduation ceremony includes parallel parking an eighteen-wheeler.
9/23: Your most encouraging words are, "Don't touch that, dipstick!"
9/24 & 9/25: Diners change tables when your family sits near them.
9/26: You win the pickled egg eating contest and nobody in your family will ride home with you.
9/27: You've ever taken a date flowers you stole from a cemetary.
9/28: You think the Yellow Pages has to do with training a new puppy.
9/29: You have to mow around a refrigerator and a bed frame.
9/30: You taught your three-year-old to give Jeff Gordon "the finger".
10/1 & 10/2: You've ever named a child for a good dog.
10/3: Part of your parole states that you are not allowed to own sheep.
10/4: You sent out birth announcements for your new puppies.
